Screaming Energy Drink Reviews

Rush! Energy Sugar-Free

Sat, 13 Mar 2010 16:01:57 EST

Jason's Review
This is our first Rush! review in about 4.5 years. We received these a few months ago, and I thought we'd already reviewed it. Then I noticed the slight difference in Rush! Lite not being Rush! Sugar Free (sort of like Diet Rockstar and Rockstar Zero Carb).

I think Rush! Energy Sugar-Free tastes tart, like a strawberry soda with a hint of lime. The drink seems extra carbonated, lots of fizzy, and I like the combo of tart and fizzy. I don't find this sickeningly sweet, but there's no shortage of artificial sweetener in this drink.

I don't find that Rush! loses it's appeal when it gets warm, though most people will probably prefer it cold. It does lose some appeal if you let it get flat, which thankfully doesn't happen 4 thousandths of a second after it's opened, like Cheerwine (not pronounced "Cheerywine", or "Cherrywine", there's no "Y" in the name, please don't add one).

The sugar-freeness of this drink doesn't settle well with me if I haven't eaten anything, so you may want to avoid drinking it on an empty stomach.

Otherwise, I'd prefer it in 16oz., but $1.36 isn't highway robbery if you just need a tiny can that will spill everywhere out of your oversized cup holder while you're trying to drive and play Plants Vs. Zombies on your iPhone.

For a small can, Rush! gives me a pretty good energy boost.

Stig's Review
Angie, and her never-ending pool of comedic gold, hit the nail on the head in the original Rush! Energy Drink Review, way back in August 2005, when she wrote, "I couldn't help but think of Paula Abdul as I drank this." It's true, and I can't say that I'm ever really NOT thinking about Paula Abdul, aside from my energy drinks reminding me of her.

Rush! Energy Sugar-Free (I hope you're sitting down for this), is one of the best tasting sugar-free energy drinks on the market. There, I said it. $1.36, reasonably affective, refreshing and scrumptious. Like Jason mentioned in the Power Trip 0 Review, it's likely that package design (and more notably in this case, not being Red Bull and all the other crappy products the average consumer pisses money away on) will be what keeps this excellent-tasting, respectable value product from wild success. I will admit, I do like the new can design for Rush! a great deal better than the 2005 version of Rush! Lite.

Even though you can get this for $0.75 less than a Red Bull, and it's clearly better in every way, it's still a hard sell compared to grabbing most 16oz. drinks now for $2. I can easily (and have been daily) drink two of these back-to-back. Which puts be around $2.75 for 16.8 fl. oz. of Rush! enjoyment. On that note, I think this drink is more suited for people who simply prefer 8oz. cans.

I am plenty energized, but I also have been drinking two, because they're so tasty.

Mini Chill Relaxation Natural Stress Relief

Thu, 18 Feb 2010 12:27:52 EST

Jason's Review
How do I know Mini Chill Relaxation works? I just happened to enjoy one a few hours before a series of catastrophic events that would normally have sent me into a fit of mental rage and despair. Shortly after consuming mini chill relaxation, I was surfing the web for information about Rodney Mullen, the greatest skateboarder of all time. I hit a site which contained no relevant information, but in the top left corner of my screen and nearly unnoticeable pop-up came up, followed by an error (which to me appeared to be an error resulting from some exploit within early HTML 5 browser support). The error, like most, was cryptic, but some of the verbiage led me to believe HTML 5 might be involved. Within a few minutes a "virus scanner" popped up and started "scanning" my computer. Let me start by saying, in nearly 20 total years of computer use, this was the first known infection I've had on a computer I owned that was a result of my computer use. As a former "IT guy", I know to check systems administrator message boards about this, as they share information with one another openly, and they have a huge group of users to support. The exploit was described as installing the virus if: 1. You close the window. 2. You click anywhere on the windw 3. (Unconfirmed by this admin, but speculated) if you change focus from the window. Normally, I would call this voodoo, because I've heard users say 1,000 times, "I didn't do anything, it just installed itself". So, as a seasoned "IT guy", I wanted to chastise myself for negligent computer use.

I don't remember the specific name of this scareware/ransomware, but it behaved like "Personal Antivirus". Let me say that fortunately, I keep all my data on my non-system drive and backup my OS with Acronis True Image regularly. Also, I run task manager at startup, and have it minimized to the tray.

Here's the course of events, fake scanner, which I'm assuming is the tiny firefox window that appeared to contain nothing and couldn't see pops up, error changes focus from that window, virus installs. The virus sets registry keys to make .exe a safe filetype and to install unsigned software. It also sets up a proxy so IE (the only app that will run) will only show their "buy our crap" page. Somewhere this virus intercepts any application start, terminates the app, and reports it's infected by a virus (which normally would make removing it an enormous pain). Fortunately, since task manager was already running on my computer, I just noted the .exe name that was eating my resources and stopped it. Now, I removed the virus for my edification, but immediately thereafter re-imaged. Many forums referenced Malwarebytes' Anti-Malware, which I installed, but did not detect this virus. The virus installs itself with a random exe name, so it's pretty easy to see it's out of place...if you can find a way to stop it, since regedit reports it's infected by a virus. If you restart your computer (and don't have a second computer), you're pretty much hosed, IE is all that runs, and the proxy is set to them.

All this to say, I was working on a tight project deadline, and had no time for this nonsense. I'd normally be furious at this, but that wasn't the end of it all. After a reimage, and reinstalling some updates since the last image, the computer just restarts (unacceptable in my book, and has never otherwise happened in over a year of using this PC). I assume it's something I updated and forgot about, so I flashed the bios and installed some updated drivers. Restart, "RAID found no bootable device". Oh, things were not looking up, and again, normally the only thing going through my mind would be "Hulk smash!". After some prayer, Mini Chill working overtime, and some calm reasoning, I found a "Extra RAID controller" setting in the bios, set to "enabled". After disabling this, the original RAID controller functioned as expected, and the PC booted. I was standing in relief next to the desk where my computer is turned out toward the room (for max cooling, so it's not just blowing hot air into the wall and trapping it), and I see something moving periodically in the case...immediately, I assume it's a mouse or a small unicorn. Turns out, the power supply fan isn't working properly, it's only turning every now and again. "Oh bother", I thought to myself. A muted response compared to throwing the whole thing at the tardy pizza delivery man, like I'd normally do. Mini Chill gave me the relaxaiton and piece of mind to walk away from this problem, knowing I had work to do, and get a restful night sleep, and attack the problem refreshed the following day. No small task for someone who would usually huff and puff my way through "fixing" the problem (meanwhile breaking 5 other costly things because I was angry and impatient).

Couple this frustration with Valentine's day, which for me, a month after a divorce I wanted no part of, was figuratively like being disemboweled with a padlock. Mini chill, and a great deal of prayer brought me through this difficult time, and with a minimum of mental duress.

The taste is mildly fruity and herbal. It's not offensive, but I wouldn't describe it as pleasant.

I would have happily paid $3 for this product's affects on the previously described day. Not sure I'd be inclined to do it every day, but it doesn't hurt I have a few more samples in the pantry, in case such another day is on the horizon.

*note: sodium was not listed on the product, so we are listing 0. This does not mean there's 0 mg, it means we don't know.

Stig's Review
First order of business, this isn't an energy drink. Why are we reviewing it? Well, they sent it to us, and we like free stuff. Also, Jason puts a lot of focus on "energy drinks" that increase focus. Since Jason is a software developer, primarily, "spaz out and punch your mom in the face" energy drinks are of less importance than a product that can provide mental acuity after hours of grinding away at javascript code that will load a picture of an overflowed toilet in the background, while the user reads about some faux content, then replace all the browser content with vile fecal foul imagery. So, while this has some ingredients known to make you sleepy, I didn't experience sleepiness at all. What I experienced was a calm, stress-free afternoon, where I didn't feel like everything on my list of things to do was secretly conspiring against me. In addition, I felt like my brain wasn't handicapped by feeling like whatever I didn't do "right now" was going to be forgotten about and come back to haunt me in three months. While that may not seem particularly energizing, when your brain is weighted down by such nonsense all the time, it's a immense feeling of relief and almost energizing to not feel so stressed and overwhelmed. Again, this product didn't make me physically sleepy, tired or groggy at all, but I imagine it could affect everyone differently.

If you're a traditional energy shot drinker, you may initially find this drink bland. Since they aren't covering up inane amounts of caffeine, which is bitter like aspirin powder, the drink is neither bitter, or masked with tablespoons of artificial sweetener. The result, a very mild, albeit herbal, taste experience. Speaking of herbal, the aroma is certainly herbal, and smelling it before I tasted gave me an immediate negative (flashback to the Steven Seagal Energy Drink experience). Luckily, I sucked it up, because the flavor was mild, and didn't make me want to vomit at all, and the positive affects were noteworthy.

Then comes the bad news, Mini Chill Relaxation shot retails for $3/each. Their website speaks nondescriptly of getting discounts as much at 1/2 if you join their "chill club", but the signup page reads more like a run-of-the-mill newsletter with (likely scant) special offers and (probably frequent and irrelevant) events updates and press releases. At $1.50, these would be an exceptional value. If you are frequently "stressed", and live "high on the hog", $3 may be an just your price point for some afternoon piece of mind. For me, anything that cost more than ramen noodles, and has fewer calories and no caffeine is highway robbery.

Jason has decided that for this review "energy" in our rating will be "mental clarity/alertness", which he considers a form of energy, and I can see it, if I tilt my head just so.

Rockstar Roasted Mocha

Mon, 25 Jan 2010 14:43:55 EST

Jason's Review
We only had one can of this, so I'm only going to comment on the non-energy elements of this drink. As the Stig stated, this has an excellent bouquet, which brings to mind a tray of fresh-baked brownies and my favorite medium roast coffee. The scent almost sticks to the room of my mouth. The flavor is bold, but doesn't linger and leave me thirsty, or the "milk bubble" in the back of my throat, like many other "coffee energy" drinks. I feel like Rockstar Roasted goes down tastefully and smooth, with the only only aftertaste being the parts you want to linger.

With the price being only $2, I have to question why the Stig only purchased one can. In fact, I've literally posed the question, "Was $2 really too much to get two cans?". The Stig's only response was a energized/satisfied smile on his/her face as he/she sipped his/her Rockstar Roasted Mocha with a blank look on his/her face, as if he/she wasn't hearing me at all over his/her Microsft Zune (packed with 90's hits, like "LEN-Steal my Sunshine").

Stig's Review
Rockstar Roasted has a bolder coffee flavor than most of the other energy coffees. I feel like the Java Monster and Starbucks doubleshot Energy offerings, while good, focus far more on creamy flavor than does Rocsktar Roasted Mocha. The first thing I noticed when I opened the can was the aroma of a more robust coffee. I think black coffee drinkers will find this to be the closest to an unadulterated brewed coffee on the market (though it's still a far sight from "black").

Nearly all of the "Energy Coffees" contain about 20g of carbohydrates, but this one didn't taste as sweet to me. The other interesting observation, Java Monster contains nearly 3 times the sodium of both Rockstar Roasted and Starbucks doubleshot Energy Plus Coffee.

Aside from enjoying the drink's natural coffee flavor, which to be clear, I still wouldn't put on par, quality-wise, with Adina Double XXpresso Coffee Energy Drink, I was also comfortably energized. 240mg of caffeine per can, along with 2g of taurine, and only 50mg wasted on ginseng is a good combination (for me) for awakeness and alertness without the jitters. Depending on your sensitivity to caffeine, drinking this in one sitting could be overkill, as it's feasibly equivalent to 4 brewed cups of coffee.

I bought this can while on the road approaching 2 years ago. I think I paid $2.29 for it, but I feel comfortable saying that these are readily available between $1.99 and $2.19 in most stores in and around North Carolina (my immediate vicinity). At that price, I'd say this drink is on par with any other coffee energy product on the market, as it relates to value. If you like dark/flavorful coffee, I'd say this is superior to the Java Monster Big Black or Starbucks doubleshot Coffee Flavor.

Ubershot Original Energy Shot

Thu, 14 Jan 2010 14:24:47 EST

Jason's Review
If it's possible to imaging a bitter banana, that's what I'd say that Ubershot Energy Shot tastes like. It's got a smooth underlying flavor with just a hint of that head-jerkingly-overt bitter caffeine flavor. Ubershot also doesn't taste as thick, syrupy, and sickeningly over-artificially-sweetened flavor I've come to expect from 5-8 calories, 0 carb, 2 fl. oz. energy shots. Apart from trying to describe the flavor, I'll simply say, I think it tastes pretty good.

Ubershot purports to help with that afternoon/post-lunch slump that many of us experience. They talk about (in their marketing materials) about taking it around 2PM for maximum benefit. My day starts a little later than most people, and that's usually when I eat lunch (or get up, depending on the day). So on an exceptionally taxing day, I took a nap around 3:30, I was really haggard. I hesitantly got up and started moving around about 4PM. Ubershot had its work cut out. I took an Ubershot, with muted expectations. As the bottle described, I experienced comfortably onset and sustained energy boost. It wasn't intense like rolling down the windows in the car on a frigid day as you're dozing off (which happens more often than I care to acknowledge), but more like that cool rejuvenating afternoon breeze our Saviour Jesus Christ sends just when we need it after a long day of moving all of your things, hopes and dreams out of the house that you and your wife bought 8 months ago. It's that little pick-me-up you need to pack away all the Wii she gave you for Christmas a few months ago, hammer the "For Sale" sign into ground and take half of everything you previously owned to the Goodwill because 2100 sq. ft. of stuff doesn't fit into 300sq. ft. of living space ( "...The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised." Job 1:21) that your friend was kind enough to offer to you in his new home, so you don't have to live alone in a dark solitary cell of self-loathing. Sorry, I got carried away with how rich God's grace has been in my life over the last 2.5 years.

Ubershot costs about $2.70, which is an ok value, but pales in comparison to the aforementioned grace of God, which is completely free, and available to anyone who will confess their sins, recognizes their own inability to "earn" righteousness, and believes on the Lord Jesus Christ (who was born of the Virgin Mary, lived a life without sin, was fully God and fully man, died for our sins and was raised from the grave) and asks Him to save them from their wicked ways, and invites the Holy Spirit to come into their lives for Jesus' sake. A life of fulfillment and a relationship with the maker of the universe...and it's all free! If you're searching for meaning and purpose in your life, watch Steps to Peace with God a short flash movie by Billy Graham ministries.

Stig's Review
(LF9M) Ubershot takes me back to the "golden age" of World of Warcraft, back when downing Drakkisath and scoring that sweet Lightforge Breastplate for your healadin was worth "w00ting" about and linking in guild chat, followed by a celebratory dinner at Bennigan's with your only remaining 3 irl friends, who were also in the raid, and also are no longer concerned with bathing, shaving or reproducing.

So, as I look at this unimposing, unpolished 58ml bottle and think of all the UBRs glory lost, I'm almost unable to overcome the memory of my fallen brothers in battle. Then I look at that plate armored liquid, with it's proud funny shaped "U" tabard, and cloth sticky helm (probably because it's got fat intellect stats), and I need to consume its essence. Maybe I can again suit up and heal/off-tank Drak's second dragon buddy while our hunter friend kites Drak far away from us. I rip the cap off and knock back a funny bittery/tangy fruit flavored shot and 210mg of "well fed" caffeine goodness.

Within minutes I can feel the rush of energy as if I'd just gotten to Onyxia Buff. I'm awake and alert, I could wash dishes, vacuum, balance my checkbook or simply scratch my skin compulsively until I'm bleeding. There's plenty of energy to enjoy, and some extra to detract from other people's ability to enjoy anything.

I have no idea where you get Ubershot here in the states, it's available online in 12-packs for 20 quid ($32.60 at the time of this review), which works out to about $2.70/each, or $50/each after shipping. A far cry better than the $15/mo. raping you get from Blizzard (now Activision Blizzard...my worst two stock investments, finally together in one package...P.S. thanks Vivendi for de-listing on the U.S. exchange, and Activision for making the worst, yet overly-hyped launch release games for a console...ever...On a srs note, thanks for Pitfall!, srsly).

Reed's Natural Energy Elixir

Mon, 04 Jan 2010 22:09:19 EST

Jason's Review
Reed's Natural Energy Elixir is like nothing you've ever had before, in or out of the energy drink arena. I'd most closely relate it to a strong ginger ale, like a Blenheim's light heat offering. For anyone unfamiliar with the Blenheim product line, you should be aware that the "hot" flavor is pretty much like drinking cayenne pepper sauce. All of the flavors are bold, unlike the bubbly lightly flavored varieties most people are used to (Scweppe's, Vernor's, Canada Dry, etc.). So, this actually has some ginger kick, but it's unfair to categorize it as "ginger ale", since it contains 25% fruit juice (Goji, Acai, pineapple, lemon and lime) and green tea, it's certainly more than just "ginger ale". This is a unique flavor, something you don't get from the energy drink market every day.

I found the taste initially offensive (ironically, I also originally found Blenheim's taste offensive). In both cases, the aftertaste was what got me hooked, a pleasant warming sensation, and lingering enjoyable flavor. The taste's onset eventually grew on me with both products as well, to the point that I now as people to get me Blenheim for Christmas. The fragrance, on the other hand, never grew on me. I don't like the smell of rooty things. The smell of Reed's Natural Energy Elixir reminds me of my experience with Korean Ginseng Drink, an ordeal from which I've still not fully recovered.

I wasn't really energized to any commendable degree. I'd call it average, at best, as it relates to the "energy" portion.

Hippies and bleeding heart liberals will love everything about Reed's Natural Energy Elixir, except that you can't smoke it, it's not free, and their's not currently any sort of legislation in the works to make it free for everyone without jobs and homosexuals (regardless of their employment situation). Reed's Natural Energy Elixir can be acquired for $1.96, which I think is a pretty reasonable deal, but what do I know? I'm a white, single, middle-class male, so my opinion should be immediately disregarded. I should keep my mouth shut and just work to fund social programs that benefit everyone I oppress.

Stig's Review
Reed's Natural Energy Elixir is one of most unique tasting beverages that I've ever encountered. You could almost say that it tastes like ginger snap cookies. I can see where this could be a drink that you either love or hate. I love the flavor. I get tired of tasting all of these other energy drinks that taste like my grandma's perfume and sugar. Reed's Natural Energy Elixir is a breath of fresh air. The taste of ginger walks a fine line of being almost too intense, but I think they've managed to find a perfect balance to allow for it to be a featured flavor but not grossly overstated.

The energy package for Reed's Natural Energy Elixir is quite nice as well. We have some of the standard energy drinks staples represented in ginseng, acai, and B vitamins, but we have some other rarities that should be considered. First off we have Camu Camu. Camu Camu comes from the Amazon and is renowned for having one of the highest concentrations of vitamin C of any plant. It also acts as a mood enhancer to some degree. This drink also contains Jiaogulan which comes from southern China. Jiaogulan is often referred to as Poor Man's Ginseng and has been used to help alleviate symptoms of jet lag and altitude sickness. Unfortunately, sometimes there is no substitute for a ton of caffeine and other chemical ingredients that are impossible to pronounce. While I enjoy the taste of Reed's Natural Energy Elixir, I am missing the energy boost from it.

At a cost of $1.96 a can, I suggest that you pick one up and try it for yourself. The taste is unique and you may end up loving it. Or you'll hate it and curse my name for making you waste your money.

TLDR: Unique taste, not great for energy

NOS Fruit Punch High Performance Energy

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 22:17:23 EST

Jason's Review
Having sufficiently mocked Paul Walker and the "Fast and Furious" franchise in previous NOS reviews, I'll try to focus on more relevant bits for this review. The first, and more relevant for me, is that this drink behaves a great deal like the dentist's plaque tablets. About four sips in, I looked like I'd eaten a block of cheese and drank and box of wine. This doesn't say a lot for my dental hygiene, since I'd expect better plaque exposure results from a 16th century British dock worker. Unfortunately, my teeth look like a collection of "that one" tooth of Jewel's, so it's hard to brush affectively. Compound that with me not caring, and you get my grimy oral landscape. To be fair, I've never had a cavity, so maybe if you guys stopped rubbing snake oil pastes and potions on your teeth, that are full of mind controlling fluorides, you would have a set of jagged plaque guarded teeth like me.

Otherwise, this does taste more "cherry" than "fruity", unlike Paul Walker, who is far more "fruity" than just about any other word used to describe Paul Walker. Since cherries are fruits, I guess it's still correct, just not as accurate as it could be. Notable amount of carbs and sodium make this a dieter/diabetic's nightmare.

I think it's worth mentioning that the cans we got looked like they'd been through WWII. Not only did they look like they'd been in the store since before refrigeration units were commonplace, but they were beat up like they were married to Ike Turner. On top of that, the lids were dirty like Madonna Louise Ciccone (the "music" performer Madonna) is dirty down stairs.

For around $2, this is a reasonable deal. Besides your teeth looking like you ate clown makeup, and people assuming you're a Vin Diesel fan, NOS Fruit Punch is a worthwhile energy investment. Tangy cherry/fruit flavor, acceptable energy supplementation and industry standard price. I wouldn't rush out an buy one, but it's probably worth a try if you're not going to be around anyone who's going to make fun of your teeth.

Stig's Review
I feel as though I've been smashed in the face with cherries. If you enjoy cherry flavor, NOS Fruit Punch is the drink for you! I honestly think that they should have called the drink "CHERRY". I'm sure that there may be some other fruit flavors lingering in the can, but the cherry flavor dominates this drink. I enjoy cherry quite a bit so it's not a problem for me. Apparently NOS Fruit Punch does not contain any juice, which is surprising considering the juice like quality of the drink.

The energy gained is substantial, but I wouldn't say that it warrants a warning that it is "POWERFUL". According to the top of the can it contains taurine, ginseng, caffeine, taurine, and l-carnitine. That's right folks, double taurine! With all of this taurine, I can feel my hypothalamus tingling! Now that I'm all jacked up on endocrine and caffeine, I can focus on writing the rest of this review.

I paid $2.10 for a can of NOS Fruit Punch at the local gas station. I feel that this is a pretty sweet deal. You get a drink that gets you energized and doesn't taste like your grandma's perfume mixed with vomit for a moderate price tag.

Acutefruit Energy Drink Strawberry Guava

Mon, 07 Dec 2009 15:45:58 EST

Jason's Review
Acutefruit (a product of the Monarch Beverage Company) has made an excellent contribution to the energy drink market with their 100% juice (along with 220mg of caffeine, and other energizing ingredients) strawberry and guava offering. Agreed, the primary ingredients apple and grape juices, but it tastes like strawberry (not sure where the guava comes in, but since I'm on the fence about guava flavor, I'm just as happy it's not a distinctive construct of the flavor). In addition, Acutefruit's strawberry guava also has enough calories to constitute a meal replacement. At 120 per serving (240 per can), this drink swings at your waistline with more ferocity than your average "sugary" energy drinks. Comparisons of per ml calories and carbs with notoriously "bad for you" energy drinks like Monster and Red Bull have Acutefruit coming out the waistline-expanding heavy-hitter.

With all that apple, you might expect this drink to be loaded with fiber, but don't stop taking your Metamucil so fast grandpa. I didn't see fiber content listed on the can at all, nor was my time on/in the can increased or decreased at all. I wouldn't mind having a little fiber in this can, improper fiber intake can lead to hard stool requiring a forceful "BM", possibly causing an anal fissure. Which brings me to the point at hand, rectal bleeding. Rectal bleeding is a laughing matter, but it can also be deadly. And while often people use death in relation to something funny, like when I repeat what you just said, preceded by "Your mom", and you respond with"Stop, you're killing me". The "you're killing" me part is only a small percentage of the validity of that statement. Meanwhile, the potential fatality probability associated with rectal bleeding is far higher. So, in summation, rectal bleeding is equal parts funny and deadly. While most online articles about the topic focus on the blood loss, I have to also be concerned with bacteria that may be going into the bloodstream. Something akin to TSS, which I'm intimately familiar with from the hours laboriously fecal-making and reading product packaging, in the process of passing something akin in density and size to the Hope Diamond.

Acutefruit offers a good deal of energy, not only from having as much sugar as about 5 servings of maple syrup, but from the caffeine content of about 3 cups of coffee. I'm fueled and ready to forcefully dispense a hemafeculent projectile into toiletal orbit.

I think Acutefruit Strawberry Guava is an excellent value, with MSRPs ranging from $2-2.79, we're reviewing it at the $2 price point (which is what it can be acquired for from their website). So, the cons: Acutefruit doesn't have any fiber to reduce the risk of rectal bleeding. The pros: Acutefruit taste great, is energizing, affordable and doesn't appear to cause rectal bleeding.

Stig's Review
AcuteFruit Strawberry Guava tastes like it should. It lives up to the name Strawberry Guava, with a very fruity blend. While typing out the ingredient list, I did find it odd that after filtered water comes apple juice concentrate and white grape juice concentrate. I guess if they just used strawberry juice, it would be a bit over powering and they would have to rename the drink to RAWBERRY! The only downside that I can find with the taste of the drink is there's a bit of a bitter aftertaste from the caffeine. It's not so bad that it really detracts from the over all taste, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to mention it. The fact that it's not carbonated is very good for this drink. It goes down smooth and is easy to drink in a hurry if you need to. It's a good drink to relax with after a day out in the sun.

The energy gained from AcuteFruit Strawberry Guava is pretty decent. I had to look up one of the ingredients in their energy package, Rooibos. Apparently, Rooibos is a tea that is grown in South Africa. It is used in South Africa to treat the following ailments: infantile colic, allergies, asthma and dermatological problems. So if you suffer from any of these ailments, take a swig of AcuteFruit Strawberry Guava and your problems will cease to be (results may vary). Anywho, back to the energy! It's got enough caffeine kick to keep you awake and the ginkgo biloba and other ingredients will help keep your mind sharp as well.

The price of AcuteFruit is very solid as well. You can get a twelve pack from their store for $24 with free shipping! Two dollars is a great deal for this refreshing beverage. You can also sleep well at night knowing that the Monarch Beverage Company is involved with CarbonFund.org and are a certified Carbon-Free company.

Natural Highs Adina Double XXpresso

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 12:16:49 EST

Jason's Review
Adina's XXpresso (espresso, not pronounced with an 'X' at all), is one of the most authentic-tasting coffee drinks I've had. It has a robust coffee-shop-style flavor that's pleasant from the onset through the aftertaste. It's darker and has more flavor than the other energy coffees I've had. Even the smell as you open the can is reminiscent of quaint Milanian caffes (though I've never been to Milan, Italy, Europe, or outside the country, but I can imagine what it would be like). I can just picture the scene, a poor provincial town, modest families riding down the cobblestone streets in their horse-drawn fiats, the baker with his tray of bread and rolls to sell, people squabbling over the price of half a dozen eggs, a strange girl with her nose in a book, and Gaston returning from a hunt with LeFou carrying an armload of dead birds. Oh, that Gaston is so hot...I mean Belle, she's hot, but no denying she's a funny girl that Belle.

Srsly, so, XXpresso has about 50% more caffeine than all the other Adina coffees, which makes it the best, and don't I deserve the best? Yes, and on top of the extra caffeine and great taste, it's loaded with anti-oxidants, doesn't contain anything artificial. Lastly, Adina uses fair trade Colombian coffee, so we won't have to endure a 3 hour Leonardo DiCaprio movie to raise social awareness about "blood coffee".

For $1.99, I think this product is a reasonable value. It's stronger than it's counterparts, and since I like a robust flavor as much as any of the additional (also tasty) offerings (vanilla, caramel, etc.), I find the taste very pleasing to the palate. 150mg of caffeine is a pretty good jolt, probably about 2 cups of your crappy freeze-dried drip coffee from home. On top of that, you get about 4 servings of fruit worth of anti-oxidants, all in the process of not oppressing underprivileged persons. I'd call that a day's work and take the rest of the day for riding Felipe to a mysterious castle filled with talking flatware.

Stig's Review
Do you ever feel bad about consuming mass quantities of processed foods and beverages? I don't either. However, if you do have regrets about ingesting foods and beverages that were created through nefarious means, you should check out Adina Double Xxpresso. Everything about it is good. For example, take a look at the ingredients above. Did you notice that you can easily pronounce all of them? I can't remember the last time I looked at an ingredient list and it didn't contain phenylwhatsitcalled or glucuranowhateverthatis. On top of the all natural ingredients, Adina Double Xxpresso is fair trade certified. This means that the coffee beans weren't picked by malnourished 4 year-olds and that the coffee was bought at a fair price. These facts alone make me feel pretty good.

Not only do you get the satisfaction that your purchase actually supports poorer people in foreign lands rather than suppress them, you also get a really good drink! The thing that I enjoyed most about Adina Double Xxpresso is that it tastes like coffee. In my experiences, other "coffee" energy drinks, taste a little bit like coffee but mostly like sugar. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy about an flavor of Java Monster that you throw at me, but they barely resemble coffee when compared with Adina Double Xxpresso. If you like coffee, you'll love this drink. My only real complaint about it is the dairy. The milk in the drink can sit pretty heavy in your gut and may be a major turn off for those who hate lactose.

The energy gained from Adina Double Xxpresso is equal to about 2 cups of coffee. You won't be bouncing off of the walls, but it'll keep you awake and alert. I also didn't experience any kind of crash after drinking it. Adina Double Xxpresso tastes great, provides a solid amount of energy and helps smaller countries development. It's a good time all around.

Red Bull Energy Shot

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 13:20:16 EST

Jason's Review
If it weren't overpriced and uneventful, would it be a Red Bull product? Like NOS Energy Poweshot, I'm glad to see that most of these $3 catastrophes are collecting dust on service station counters. As if $2 for 8.3oz. of garbage wasn't a reasonably sufficient raping, Red Bull decided to take that formula, make it flat, add some sucralose, give you 1/4 of the quantity and charge you a dollar more. It's like government health care, only better, and it's at your discretion whether you waste billions of dollars on it or not.

Interestingly, this tastes almost like Real Red Bull that someone ruined by taking out some sucrose, and adding some sucralose. Even more interestingly, you can get 5oz. of Asian Red Bull's flavor sensation for $1.50 at many Asian markets, and I think that product is every bit as energizing. Red Bull Energy Shot is a crappy flat, condensed Red Bull (which I think has an unpleasant aftertaste) that has a few B vitamins thrown in for good measure.

I think Red Bull Energy Shot is an insult to the intelligence of anyone not trying to impress their "friends" with their product purchasing trends. For people who are trying to impress their "friends", this energy shot is convenient for putting in your purse and carrying around to pull out as a conversation piece, pretending you drink them all the time. You might also want to follow it up with something about "social awareness", "non-traditional families" and Oprah. Otherwise, just laugh at anyone you see drinking this, and ask them, "Hey, didn't I see you at that place downtown last week drinking Jager Bombs?". This would be a great pickup line, assuming you have little enough self-respect to be seen in public with someone who would drink Jager Bombs.

Stig's Review
3 Dollars for 2 ounces of fluid. Here's the problem right from the get go. To put this into perspective, 1 gallon of Red Bull Energy Shot would cost you $192. If you buy this drink regularly, you should NEVER complain about the cost of gasoline. If you do, you deserve to be beaten about the head with whatever blunt object that happens to be lying around. THIS IS A BAD INVESTMENT.

If you want to know what Red Bull Energy Shot tastes like, go out and buy a normal Red Bull. Open it and let it set out until it's room temperature and flat. This is exactly what Red Bull Energy Shot tastes like, flat, warm Red Bull. It almost seems as though they ran out of carbonated water at the Red Bull plant and decided to go ahead and package it. I wouldn't say it tastes bad by any means, but if you aren't a fan of normal Red Bull, chances are that you will not enjoy this product. It should also be noted that Red Bull Energy Shot tastes far superior to any other energy shot that I've tasted. This shot is thankfully missing the medicinal taste that most shots tend to have.

The energy from Red Bull Energy Shot is pretty reasonable. It doesn't give the face smashing energy of DynaPep so you shouldn't get absolutely wired on it. It's a somewhat subtle boost of energy. I drank one mid-morning and so far I'm not tired and I don't feel like I'm going to crash. As a general rule, energy shots don't do much for me. They are typically bad tasting, either give me no energy or get me completely wired, and are way over priced. Red Bull Energy Shot tastes pretty good and gave me some decent energy. It nails two of my three issues and two out of three ain't bad.

ALL IN Grape

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 14:40:46 EST

Jason's Review
I enjoy the taste of ALL IN's grape offering even more than the Root Beer flavor we reviewed over a year ago. Particularly for a sugar-free, low sodium drink, thanks to sucralose, ALL IN Grape has a lot of flavor. I don't find the aftertaste objectionable either. If I was a diabetic, I'd be on this like Kanye West on someone else's awards ceremony stage. There's no shortage of grape flavor, and without the sugar, it doesn't taste thick. I find it exceptionally refreshing when served iced cold.

I feel reasonably alert and awake when I have an ALL IN. I'm not sure it would keep me up all night for a 24 hour poker marathon or anything, but for the average energy drinker, I think it provides adequate energization.

Since we're making up words, I think ALL IN is also overpriced (which is a word I just made up for it costing too much). There's no novelty value for this drink, it's not "supercharged" (there I go making up words again. "Supercharged" means "charged more than normal") with energy, or anything else fancy. It's a good-to-very good (for sugar-free/low sodium) tasting energy drink, with an average boost. If these were $1-1.50, I'd probably give it 7s and 8s across the board. For a diabetic, I'd say it comes down to how much you prefer the sucralose in this drink over the phenylalanine and aspartame available in most other energy drinks.

Stig's Review
Another drink for Wilford Brimley and friends, All In Energy Drink Grape is sugar-free and that makes me a sad panda. You see, the taste of this drink is tragically ruined by the artificial sweeteners. Had the drink been made with real sugar, it would have been quite possibly one of the best energy drinks ever made. The grape flavor is light and is actually quite nice when you factor out the nastiness of sucralose. For the first few drinks, you can almost convince yourself that it's enjoyable. Then the artificial aftertaste smashes you in the face. In all honesty, it's all I can do to choke down the entire8.4 oz can. Like I said, the taste of the drink itself is not bad, but the aftertaste is the killer of All In Grape.

The packaging for All In Grape is note worthy, mostly for it's inspirational message. It probably got me more energized than the drink itself. Knowing that by drinking this, I will "conquer my fears and crush my opponents" brings a certain satisfaction. Also, "living for the exhilirating rush that happens when I risk it all" is nice as well. Who knew that by drinking something made for Wilford Brimley, would make me so powerful and reckless?

The energy benefit seems marginal. I don't feel like running around the block 5 times, but I also don't feel tired. This seems to be a good drink to help you maintain through out the day. If you're a diabetic and need a little pick me up, All In Grape is not a horrible choice. Factor in the lower price of $2.08 and it's a pretty good deal. I however, am not a diabetic so when it comes to All In Grape, I'm going to fold my hand and walk away.