Energy Drink Added 2007-02-07 22:04:16

Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt Asian Experience Energy Drink Review

Price: $0.89
Available at: Walmart Superstore
Nutrition Information:
Size: 16.0oz. · Serving Size: 8oz. Calories: 120 · Carbs: 30g · Sodium: 0mg

Ratings:
Combined Reviewer Rating:

1 out of 10 4.40 out of 10 from 125 reviewers

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Can Text:

Steven, in all his humility opted to not appear on the can, instead, Butch Patrick is featured in his Eddie Munster attire, with some rambling about natural botanicals, and Steven Seagal's signature. This makes sense, since Herman Munster required lightning to be awakened from the dead.

Somehow the full name of this drink requires 8 english words, but only one Japanese character. Apparently "Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt Asian Experience Energy Drink" merits its own character in the Japanese alphabet.

Otherwise, the can is blue, black and gold, and makes me want to watch "Karate Kid".

The can states that "This long lasting energy elixir is made with ingredients from all over the globe" (I think some of the ingredients went bad in transit) "Sweetened with all natural imported organic evaporated cane juice crystals" (If by "cane juice crystals" you mean "rat feces")

Active Ingredients *Per can, not per serving:
Cordyceps (oh good, I love parasites in my drink), B-Vitamins, Ginseng, Goji berry (in the family Solanaceae, which also includes deadly nightshade, and tobacco), and guarana. Mmmmm, this sounds appetizing.

Also, there's natural caffeine, as opposed to synthetic caffeine.

On a positive note (the only one), it's got no sodium. Then again, maybe that's what it's missing to keep it from tasting like rot and death.

Angie's Review: Reviews posted after May 2007 are written by a guest reviewer referred to from this point forward as "The Stig".
Over the course of the day, I force-fed myself Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt Asian Experience Energy Drink, in a Genpuku-like right of passage, which Tom Cruise would know nothing about, and Steven would back me up on that. When it was over, I would have preferred some ritualistic scarification, or being tossed to the crocodiles.

I'm sorry, was I saying something? I drifted off there for a minute. Apparently cordyceps are draining all my energy.

The only value I can place on this drink is its novelty and humor value. Both of which could be easily eclipsed with a Chuck Norris, Jean-Claude Van Damme, or Susan Sarandon energy drink.

Angie Energy Rating:

2
Angie Taste Rating:

1
Angie Value Rating:

1

Jason's Review:
Thanks to Steven Seagal, I had to extend the name field in my database to fit his verbose energy drink name.

This drink is everything I expected from the great actor, writer, director, musician, theologian, sex symbol, and father to many Steven Seagal. Like molasses and dishwater, this drink neither satisfies the taste buds, nor the nostrils in the process of being choked down. Of 99 energy drinks reviewed, and probably 200 assorted flavors sampled, this is, to my knowledge, the first energy drink I did not finish. I even tried the Kobayashi shake, but nothing was keeping this down. I was as nauseated as if I'd tried to watch a Steven Seagal movie, namely anything he wrote, produced, and "acted" in. There's only one word I can use to describe "Steven Seagal's Lighting Bolt Asian Experience Energy Drink", "Seagalicious" (which is also a great deal shorter than the actual name) This word got me to thinking, if a song as turdy as "Fergilicious" can get air time, and a drink this bad could get on the shelf at Walmart, maybe I can capitalize on the foolish American consumer, while summing up Steven's entire Wikipedia profile.

I'm Seagalicious (bigamistic)
environmentally conscientious
I be up in the dojo just working on my aikido
direct-to-video (oooh wee)
I knocked up Kelly LeBrock Brock
And they be lining down the block to see me portray another cop (four, tres, two, uno)

[Chorus]
So delicious (I'm hot, hot)
So delicious (I play blues, not rock, rock)
So delicious (auditioned for Time Cop)
I'm Seagalicious (hold hold hold hold hold up, check it out)

I have no idea if this is chocked full of energy, of course, I don't know if shoe polish is either, and I'll likely never find out.

Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt Asian Experience Energy Drink is highway robbery even at $.89, and would be even still if it included a PSP copy of "Under Siege". Maybe he should try putting Marilyn Munster on the can.

Jason Energy Rating:

1
Jason Taste Rating:

1
Jason Value Rating:

Other Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt Products

Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt Asian Experience Energy Drink
Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt Cherry Charge Energy Drink

User Comments

mat on 2007-12-19 20:16:14 said:
We had office bets to get people to drink it. It tasted like the backside of a cat.

Erick on 2008-02-25 09:42:46 said:
I consumed a whole can of Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt Asian Experience and survived, but just barely. I'll never be whole again. The taste is like prunes mixed with equal parts malice and lethargy. Its like a can of angry, malevolence that is too old to accomplish its full evil intent, and instead simmers in a dark cave of rotting fruit, planning its gruesome revenge.

Blair patterson on 2008-02-26 11:53:30 said:
i believe the Asian Persuasion is the best flavor Seagal has out to that i gave it 10 out of 10. God Bless

della on 2008-03-03 12:47:33 said:
I've only tasted the asian experience and it wasn't any worse than the other energy drinks on the market,plus it does have some very good ingredients in it. I'm sure its healthier than most other drinks, of course if its not packed full of sugar, caffeine and all the other things that are killing america no one wants it.

Ryan on 2008-03-11 08:37:52 said:
IDK what all the bashing is about, I guess seagal is a very easy target, and obviously the marketing on this is pretty hilarious. That being said, it's a very good energy drink and anybody who says otherwise is either poking fun for a joke or being serious but following the rest of the crowd who are only trying to make a joke. The drink tastes better than half the energy drinks out there and more importantly it works while being healthy.

Eric on 2008-03-18 08:00:10 said:
Eric Energy Rating: 1 Eric Taste Rating: 1 Eric Value Rating: 1 I had a hard time swallowing Steven Seagal!

Eric on 2008-03-26 08:08:33 said:
I'm sorry to say that Steven Seagal is the worst energy drink I've ever had, i had a hard time finishing the whole thing. 1 on taste, energy, and value.

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Disclaimer: The above review is the opinion of the Screaming Energy Drink Reviews editors. Our goal is to help answer questions like, "What does Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt Asian Experience Energy Drink taste like?", "Does it really give you an energy boost?", "Where can I buy Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt Asian Experience Energy Drink?", and "How much does it cost?". We are not employed by the makers of this energy drink, and, therefore cannot answer questions about production, distribution, product returns, reimbursements, or quality control. All nuitrition information and ingredients were copied to the best of our ability from the product packaging, do not rely solely on our site for dietary information.