2012 Screaming Energy Awards
What is the best energy drink of 2012? What is the best value in energy products? Why does my butt itch, even though I feel like I wiped thoroughly? The answers to some of these questions in the 2012 Screaming Energy Drink Awards.
|Gamma Labs Pre-Training Formula Tropical Punch|
"I like Gamma Labs Pre-Training Formula. I feel a pronounced energy boost, but it's not raw and uncontrolled like VPX, and it doesn't make me want to cut my skin off with gate shears like Tweak Extreme."
|Mio Energy Black Cherry|
This $4 bottle makes 18 8oz. servings, tastes better than almost any energy shot on the market, and provides a reasonable energy boost. Who could ask for more than a drinkable, moderately powerful, convenient-to-carry energy mix that costs 22 cents per serving?
When speaking of value, it's always worth mentioning a new flavor of Rip It Energy, in 2012, we discovered Rip it Energy Fuel Red Zone Strawberry. Like all Rip It products, the MSRP is only 99 cents.
|KLR BZ Proto Energy Drink|
The KLR BZ can may not seem like a revolutionarily cool package design, until you compare it to its predecessor, which we affectionately refer to as the "Turd Can".
We were very impressed with the drip free, easy-to-carry package design of Mio Energy Black Cherry. After all, if I'm carrying a concentrated blood-red fluid in my pocket, dangerously near my crotch, I'd prefer the snap top not leak.
|V8 Energy Shot Berry Blast|
For years, energy companies have tried to pry old codgers away from their coffee pots. Until 2012, I felt like a commercial featuring Cincinatti Reds legend Johnny Bench talking about getting busy with his comparatively hotter/younger wife, was the best swing at cracking this elusive market. Then, finally someone brought out the big guns and put "V8" on an energy product. One day, I fully expect to see a mixer recipe of one V8 Energy, a Geritol, an ExtenZe, a shot of Southern Comfort and a dash of Old Bay seasoning.
If we've not thoroughly expressed how impressed we are with Mio Energy Black Cherry, let me reiterate, 18 portable servings at 22 cents per serving. All you need is water and something to hold the diluted mixture.
2012 Screaming Energy Drink Not-So-AwardsWorst Taste
|Starbucks Refreshers Strawberry Lemonade|
"I'd call this, 'strawberry yogurt cup rinse water' flavor, perhaps with subtext, 'now with nasty old tea flavor'".
"The back of the can touts, 'It's a delicious strawberry lemonade flavored energy boost, without any coffee taste'. Clearly Starbucks is ok with lying directly to your face, or 'delicious' would not appear in that sentence."
It's certainly worth mentioning Red Bull Total Zero. Red Bull Sugar Free is bad enough, but after years of essentially the same products, what does Red Bull offer the public? 3 fewer carbs in a far worse-tasting offering. At least it's lower sodium too.
| VPX Redline Xtreme Triple Berry|
"If I drank a whole bottle of REDLINE XTREME, I feel confident I'd be curled up in the fetal position, shaking involuntarily, cold and sweating, until it mercifully chose to exit my body through either explosive diarrhea or projectile vomiting. VPX REDLINE XTREME makes me feel like I've taken cold medicine, not an energy drink. I experienced no positive effects."
Most Irritating Packaging
|Monster Ubermonster Energy Brew|
As if leaving the convenience store and realizing you need a bottle opener isn't irritating enough, getting home and realizing that a regular bottle opener still requires going around the whole cap and prying it off, should be enough to leave you cursing the idiots who pointlessly designed this complicated-to-open bottle.