2011 Screaming Energy Awards
Christmas is over, but I still have the explosive diarrhea to remember it by.
Coolest Packaging
 | Kymera Freakish Energy Mythic Melon Kymera's packaging, clad with mythical creatures and available in travel refill pouches, and a 102oz. wine-box-like monstrosity wins top prize this year for coolest packaging. Soundly defeating the closest runner-up, Monster Import, and its now several-year-old resealable cap technology. |
Best Value
| Kymera Freakish Energy Mythic Melon A potent energy shot like Kymera is already a steal at 39 cents per oz. 1oz. is likely enough for most consumers, as it's easily twice as potent as 5-hour energy, but using the coupon code Scream30, you can get the 102oz. "Power Pak" for $29.99 from Kymera's Website. That's 29 cents per oz.! |
Most Original
 | Xapp Protein Energy with Caffeine Protein drinks are usually chalky and, well, quite frankly, disgusting. Xapp not only takes the torment out of drinking protein, they make drinking 25g of their patented carbonated protein enjoyable. Throw in some caffeine and you have a great pre-workout beverage, for that vast minority of people that go to the gym, instead of just talking about it to impress their coworkers. An honorable mention to Recon Coffee Energy Cola, which I think made a great-tasting and effective coffee cola that drinks nearly as smoothly as a diet coke. |
Most Energy
 | Xtreme Energy Berry Shot "I was able to concentrate, but at any point, I felt I could unleash a tsunami of energy and ferocity that would allow me to easily gnaw through anything with a density comparable to 2 inch plank cedar." What else is there to say? While I did not particularly like the sensation, Tweak Extreme Grape certainly has a pronounced effect, and is worth mentioning. Additionally, Kymera is very strong. |
Best Energy Shot
| Kymera Freakish Energy Mythic Melon Very strong, and discounted prices nearly half that of value brands like Rip It Energy Fuel Citrus X Shot, it's icing on the cake that it doesn't taste like battery acid. Xtreme Energy Berry Shot is the hands-down runner-up for 2011. At a lower price point, Xtreme would be a contender. |
2011 Screaming Energy Drink Not-So-Awards
Worst Taste | Sin Vitality Drink Greed Free "The only really positive thing I have to say is that it's sugar free and low in sodium. Lots of drinks put salt in to make drinks palatable, Sin Greed just left their drink unpalatable." |
Least Energy
 | Jones GABA Nectarine Tea-Juice A drink that would also win a "Least Flavor" award, Jones GABA Nectarine Tea Juice is just all-around bad. I feel cheated out of the 50 cents we paid for this at Big Lots. |
Gayest Packaging('Gay' like rodeo clowns)
 | Slap Red Tea Energy Always calling to mind the classic, "What did the five fingers say to the face?" bit, Slap is a nightmare of fragmented ideas jammed together on one can. Bright reds and yellows, and absolutely no stylistic consistency, it's like you put the Nintendo's Tetris, Castlevania, A Boy and His Blob and Power Glove into a juicer. |
Gayest Packaging('Gay' like wearing chaps and makeup anywhere other than a rodeo)
 | True Colors Original Enhanced Energy Beverage The only thing missing is a feather boa and comically oversized sunglasses. |
