2010 Screaming Energy Drink Awards
It's nearly Christmas, and instead of presents, I'm focusing all my energy on making sure "The Christmas Shoes" song ceases to take huge fruit-cake-sized-dumps on everyone's otherwise festive Christmas disposition.
|Molotov Explosive Energy! Mango con Tapatio|
Embittered pubescent offspring of affluent parents can embrace Molotov as the symbol of their constant ivy-league-journalism-major struggle against the oppressive right wing conservatives...when they're not getting high and aborting children to cover up their indiscretions. Honorable mention to the VPX Meltdown series for the "drink regulation gauge".
|Speed Stack Pumped N.O. Grape|
Nearly 300mg of caffeine, if it were any more effective, Oprah would already be off television. 22oz. of delicious grape flavor, only 30 calories for $1.77, if it were any cheaper, they'd have to call it LeAnn Rimes.
|Mini Chill Relaxation Natural Stress Relief|
Someone was paying attention to Michael Jackson's daily cocktail of uppers and downers and realized the American people would soon be clamoring for a $3/bottle relaxation formula to take 12-14 hours after their $3/bottle energy shots.
|VPX Meltdown Fat Assault Watermelon|
VPX Meltdown energizes like DynaPep or street pharmaceuticals.
Best Energy Shot
|DynaPep Energy Micro-Shot Berry|
Reformulated, the new berry flavor is the best taste option to-date, and the formula remains ultra-effective.
2010 Screaming Energy Drink Not-So-AwardsWorst Taste
|Young Energy Drink|
Unbelievably, no "ADX7" energy drink has previously won this illustrious award. It can only be because we started the awards in 2006, and both Yet (Your Energy Tonic) and Jugular were both reviewed in 2005. It would be unscrupulous not to mention Stacker 2 Black Jax for their best efforts at creating ingestable paint thinner, which was also our first video review.
|Wat-aah! Energy Oxygenated Water|
If we had not reviewed Mini Chill Relaxation Natural Stress Relief, which is a relaxation drink, Wat-aah would be the least energizing product on the site...and it's still a close second.
Gayest Packaging ('Gay' like the television show "Glee")
|Sin Vitality Drink Greed Lemon|
The branding of this drink is ridiculous. Asinine catch phrases like "Be a part of the next generation" and "Do not miss the after party" appear on the back to support your immediately dismissing this product as purchasable by non-douche bags.
Gayest Packaging ('Gay' like people who watch the television show "Glee")
|Mini Thin Triple Strength Xtreme Energy Rush Mango|
Put an over-sized pair of glasses and a feather boa on it and you've got Elton John.