RSS 2.0 Feed2007 Screaming Energy Drink Awards
Coolest Packaging | Rip It Chic Even with all the negative things I have to say about National Beverage as a company, this packaging is sheer genius. If you had any idea the contemptible things that made residence on the mouth of your soda cans, you too would appreciate the splendor of the mouth cover. |
Best Women's Energy Drink
 | Hype Enlite Hype Enlite offers a smooth taste, and a soft-core porn can that kids go wild for. Seriously, this is perhaps the best of 2006 and 2007. In case you need help with the math, that's 2 years. |
Best Value
 | Jolt Blue At $2.99, you may think this is hardly a value, but it weighs in at an enormous 23.5 fl. oz. and contains 220mg of caffeine (that's approx. 3 shots of espresso). The taste is wonderful; it's delightfully carbonated, and comes in a can that was runner-up for best packaging of the year. |
Most Original
 | Bookoo Energy Punch Energy Punch?!?!?1? The only thing that would make this more original, is if it came with its own serving bowl. |
Most Energy
 | Upshot FRUIT If you can gag it down, you'll be happy you did. It's loaded with enough caffeine to bring Evil Knievel back from the dead, and kill him again. The taste is unpardonable, but once it's past the hatch, it starts to work immediately. Upshot FRUIT is like an energy Thera-Flu. |
2007 Screaming Energy Drink Not-So-Awards
Worst Taste | Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt Cherry Charge Energy Drink The only competition for this "award" was its partner in crime, Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt Asian Experience Energy Drink. Steven Seagal pitched a perfect game in 2007 for making energy drinks that taste like whatever he puts in his hair. |
Least Energy
 | Coca-Cola BlaK In its defense, this is really just a cola/coffee beverage, incorrectly shelved with the energy drinks at the Quikie Mart. Since I wasted $1.49 on this error, I feel I need to extract some level of revenge. Take that Coca-Cola. |
Gayest Packaging (Not like "I long for relations with same sex partners" gay)
 | Frigid Dog Energy Sensation Drink When I first saw this can, I thought it might be a malt liquor. The dogs look almost friendly, and the motivational text make several dog related jokes that just aren't fetching. |
Gayest Packaging (Gay like "I often visited the stairwell at Studio 54")
 | Go Juice Energy Turbo-Charged Energy Drink With bright colors, and silhouettes of men exercising, this can is about 2 Quaaludes short of a pair of chaps, a Qiana open-chested shirt, and "public relations". |
